Hey guys. I'm really sorry to those who watch me regularly on being absent so long with so many breaks in between. I've had a lot of stuff happen in the last few months that have made doing art nearly impossible, and going online at any time just about as productive as pulling a hen's teeth.
To start off with, let's go with the end of July. I was just out of classes at school, and I was on my way to my medical externship site, Omega Pain Management. I had a lot of challenges there I wasn't expecting, but I overcame them with all the grace of a one legged ballerina. (That's to say, I had a rough go of it.)
The same was true for all of August. I was busting my ass at that stupid site for no pay and little gratitude, both from the site itself and my family members as a whole. Again, all the grace of a toothless beaver gnawing on concrete. August was also the month my mother was diagnosed with inoperational brain cancer. It was... difficult to help her deal with that. After that, she was struggling with a major staph infection in her legs from the swelling caused by the steroids she was taking for the brain tumor. She had to stop taking the steroids, which was her only hope of recovery from the tumor. Surgery wasn't possible, and radiation could only do so much.
Then came September. The first half of September was spent rounding out my time at my externship site, and finally on September 13, 2018, I graduated! Hooray! Now I'm a certified medical assistant! Woohoo! But... things didn't get easier from then on out. At the same time I graduated, my mother developed a pretty bad case of pneumonia. She was hositalized at least twice during the latter half of September. When she was home, I had to care for her, be at her beck and call. It was stressful for the both of us. She couldn't do anything herself, even go to the bathroom by herself. We ended up with a lot of medical equipment. Hospital stays were the norm from then on out for her. Each one getting longer than the last.
Then came this month. Her birthday was the 2nd of October. We had fun and some laughs and little bit of crying. She turned 62 this year. The day after that however, she ended up right back in the hospital again for pneumonia and leg edema again. She was there until the 11th. I was fighting for her to get physical and occupational rehab and speech therapy. Everything was too slow and we had no time to do anything properly at all. I barely slept during the entire month. I got on average two hours of sleep a DAY with no naps in between. The days I slept longer I was interrupted at least once every hour. I was exhausted. So was she.
Then, on the 19th of this month, October, she went into the hospital again. She'd finished her antibiotics at home and her cough was getting even worse and she couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat, and she couldn't breathe. She was there until the 24th.
On the 22nd, I got a call from the hospital at 12:15 a.m. telling me that my mother's condition had worsened and she was most likely not going to make it until sunrise. I rushed to the hospital while frantically calling every friend and family member I could. I got there, and the only family that could show up within the hour was my Uncle Roy. Mom was aggravated and anxious, and didn't make much sense. She was talking about shadow people and her oxygen levels were very, very low, and her heart rate was exceedingly high, and her blood pressure was through the floor. I knew it was hard for her. They gave her some morphine to help her sleep and some stuff to bring down her heart rate. They couldn't give her anything for her anxiety at the time, but she finally went to sleep. My grandparents showed up and she woke up, and by 4:45 a.m., I was exhausted, and she seemed a lot more stable then and like she might recover after some much needed rest. I went home and didn't get home until nearly 6 am.
The next day, I visited her and she was completely out. I stayed with her for over six hours, watching her sleep through the morphine, with very little able to rouse her. She didn't eat. All she did was sleep and gasp for air.
The day after, October 24th, 2018, I got a call that woke me up at 3:00 a.m. It shattered me. The hospital informed me that my mother passed away peacefully in her sleep. She was gone. I had already said my peace and good-byes to her when she was lucid two days prior. I am honestly glad I was not there to witness her take her last gasping breaths in her sleep.
Thursday, October 25, 2018, was spent with me making arrangements for a place for me to stay for a while, and getting rid of some of mom's things that I was not going to want or need. I took some time at the end of the day to work on some artwork to help me relax and try to calm myself down. For the most part, it worked. I napped a little bit, and woke up to watch a movie online with my boyfriend.
And now I'm sitting here at 3:25 a.m. on October 26th, 2018, waiting for 11 a.m. to come so I can go to the funeral home and gather my mother's ashes and deal with the rest of my new reality.
It's been hard, and to be honest, I feel okay, but I'm not sure if I
am okay.
I'll miss you, mom. You were an amazing woman. We had our spats, we had our fights, but we always loved each other.
I love you, mom,
Rest in Peace